im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's never too late to be topless.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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