she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't deserve a penis
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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