i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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