If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
