Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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