woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
