I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
