We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
