Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
