So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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