Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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