we have officially lost it.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
