Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
