that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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