he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
