MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
