Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
