my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
