I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
