I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I came so hard my ears popped.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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