I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
