Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I threw up into my coffee this morning.

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(585): View more from New York

I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.

(1-585): View more from New York

You are so irish.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.

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(302): View more from Delaware

It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex

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(714): View more from California

My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin

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(706): View more from Georgia

If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.

(1-317): View more from Indiana

Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker

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