I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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