You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
