I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
