Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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