my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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