So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
