Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
