people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
