I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
