there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
