I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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