did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
