i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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