The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
