.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
