i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
