At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
