I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
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I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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