Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
