he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
