I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
