That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
