They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
