we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize