I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
