I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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