if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
