escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
