We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
