I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
