We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
