Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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