Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
