he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
