You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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