dude i'm inner monologue high
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
