I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
