the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
