Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
