Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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