dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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